Caboose

One of the things that makes life in Nigeria more interesting is the process of ordering food at one of the many chop houses (informal-economy restaurants). You usually end up playing a guessing game that’s oddly reminiscent of the Monty Python Cheese Shop sketch.

The main rule of the game seems to be that the waiter/waitress must never reveal what food they actually have except in answer to a specific question. So, for example, asking “what food do you have?” won’t work. Instead you have to ask about each individual item that may or may not be available: pounded yam, rice, stew, egussi soup, white soup, garri, semovita, draw soup, …

A second rule is that most things should be off or that they should have just run out.

There’s a slight variation of this game played in the fast food restaurants of Abuja. These look like normal Western fast food places and have a large illuminated menu. Of course, most of the things on the menu are either never available or are not available right now. The staff won’t tell you what’s not available or list what is, instead you have to keep guessing until you find something they actually have.